


Hammers and Bats

by hermione_vader



Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:39:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermione_vader/pseuds/hermione_vader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally written for Norsekink.  Due to the Bifrost's potentially timey-wimey nature, Thor falls in with the Basterds.  Donny can barely stand this cape-wearing idiot.  Then his bat goes missing, and so does Thor, and he's got to put this prince-wannabe nutjob in his place.  Or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hammers and Bats

His bat was gone.  His bat was fucking missing.  Donny was in the middle of washing it off in the stream after that day's performance when Hirschberg and Sakowitz started bitchin' at each other and he had to break it up because Wicki, who usually stopped that shit, disappeared right before that, probably to do God knows the fuck what with Stiglitz.  
  
But someone else was missing, too.  
  
The new guy.  
  
Aldo had found the guy wanderin' around in the woods a week ago, dressed in a cape and a helmet, throwing a fucking hammer.  And the guy was fucking _nuts_.  Called himself Thor or something.  Thought he was a prince _and_ god.  
  
And now he was swinging Donny's baseball bat like it was a pole or some shit.  Fuck.  
  
"Hey, buddy!" Donny snapped as he tore the bat out of Thor's hands.  "You can ramble about your homeland and your palace and your fucked up brother and how great a warrior you are and all that other shit.  I can take that.  But hands off the fucking bat.  Got it?"  
  
"I understand completely, Bear Jew.  It is a simple, sturdy weapon, but clearly, _you_ make it great."  
  
"I mean, would you like it if I took this fuckin' thing---"  Donny picked up Momir or whatever Thor called the hammer and paused.  Shit, the thing was _heavy_.  "Did you just try to pay me a compliment?"  
  
"Yes."  Thor fixed his eyes on the hammer.  "No one else has ever done that."  
  
"What, picked it up?"  
  
"No.  One must be worthy to wield Mjolnir."  
  
Donny twirled the hammer.  "Fuck yeah."  He loosened his grip on his bat and let Thor take it again.  
  
"I will admit, Bear Jew, this is much lighter than I expected."  Thor twirled the bat over his head.  
  
"Thor, why the hell don't you just call me 'Donny'?"  
  
"Because 'Bear Jew' is much more appropriate moniker for you.  Barbarically heroic.  And I mean that in the best way one can."  Thor gave the bat another twirl.  
  
"Uh, thanks, I think.  You know, you're supposed to use two hands."  
  
"Like this?"  Thor jerked Donny's bat towards the ground.  
  
"No!  See, you gotta spread your legs and crouch down a little.  Square up to the plate."  Donny demonstrated.  "Then you hold it up like this."  He raised his arms and Mjolnir wobbled.  "And then you wait for the pitch and swing away."  He swung and the hammer shook in his hands.  
  
Thor furrowed his brow.  "What plate?  What pitch?"  
  
Donny grunted and set Mjolnir down.  "Asgard must be one hell of a boring place if they don't even have baseball."


End file.
